Fear and Wonder and Lasting Delight

We all have biases.  It's important to acknowledge them and investigate where they come from.  Biases aren't bad, but they can lead us down bad roads if we are not careful.  We should be vigilant.  We should be able to judge things fairly, even if we have a bias.

And yet I cannot deny it.  Faramir, Boromir's brother, whom we meet in this week's double-portion, is my favorite character in the series.  Bar none.  I wish I could explain why.  There isn't really any attribute about him that's unique.  I just greatly enjoy reading his part in the story.

This week's chapters are "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbits" and "The Window on the West."  On their way to Gollum's secret entrance to Mordor the hobbits are captured by a group of men.  Gollum happens to be away looking for food and so is not caught.  Their captain, Faramir, questions them to learn what they are doing so close to Mordor.  He's never met a hobbit before - he calls them 'halflings' - and is suspicious.

Though he keeps the details of the Quest to himself, Frodo reveals the names of those in the Fellowship in a token of good will.  Maybe Faramir will have heard these names and will know Frodo is on his side.  When he names Boromir, Faramir reveals he is his brother.  Frodo becomes uneasy - the last time he saw Boromir things went poorly.

The meeting is interrupted.  Faramir and his men, of course, are out in the wilderness for their own reason.  They are ambushing troops rallying to Sauron.  The enemy is approaching the ambush site, and so Faramir must attend to the battle.  Frodo and Sam must wait.

Sam hears the sounds of the battle and grows curious.  He crawls to a ledge and looks down into the wooded valley, where the battle is being fought.

To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a vast

shape crash out of the trees and come careering down the slope. Big as a house,

much bigger than a house, it looked to him, a grey-clad moving hill.

Sam has seen what he has longed to see: An oliphaunt (A huge elephant).  And he is filled with "astonishment and terror".  The text later adds "Fear and wonder".

What a strange mix of feelings.  Usually we consider being scared to be only negative.  But there is a certain thrill that comes with being afraid, isn't there?  Everyone processes the experience differently - there are horror movie junkies who seek out the best scares, and then there are people like me, who celebrate Halloween by watching this silly music video and this old animated telling of Sleepy Hollow.  And both give me enough goosebumps to last until the next year.

The text makes a point of describing the positive and the negative twice. 'Astonishment and terror' and 'fear and wonder'.  The Creative Wizard is saying the pairs come together, and that the feelings are similar.  Astonishment and wonder are both related to the idea of seeing something awe-inspiring.  Seeing the Grand Canyon in person, or a celebrity you really like in person, or going on a successful first date.  All these things can stop us in our track and make us dumbstruck.

And yet terror and fear also strikes us dumbstruck - though we're more likely to say we have been petrified.  The result nonetheless looks the same.  We are frozen to the spot, our mind can't think straight, words fail us.  Fear and wonder look the same.

I think this is because both have the effect of making us feel small.  When one is afraid, one feels powerless and vulnerable.  When one is astonished, one feels powerless and over-awed.  I imagine it is similar to how storm chasers feel when they finally catch "the big one".  One must both be in awe of an F5 tornado AND one must be terrified of it.  To only have one feeling is to underappreciate the situation.

But there is one more riddle to attend to.  We are told Sam also feels delight.  But not simply delight - "lasting delight."  That tells us the delight, whether immediate or not, endures long after the incident has passed.  I think the delight derives from the fact that Sam survives the encounter unscathed.  The thrill of the fear and of the wonder both enhance the memory.  It becomes a story for him to tell, a story no other Hobbit has.  He can share it with others and he can reminisce privately.

Many years ago I was part of a protest in Los Angeles.  I marched with Black Panthers, blocked a highway, ran from the police, and helped repair a fence that had gotten knocked down.  I felt both fear and wonder - I got the thrill both from "doing the right thing" as well as from the danger inherent in defying authority.  I wouldn't have called the experience delightful, but it has given me "lasting delight."

A mundane life is respectable: work to pay the bills, use your free time in enjoyable if repetitive ways.  There's nothing wrong with any of that.  But the best memories we can build come when we push those boundaries.  There's nothing mundane about a protest and there's nothing mundane about an oliphaunt.  No one on their deathbed wishes they had had less adventures.

The Lord of the Rings: An Ethical Guide is a Patreon-supported project.  Thank you to all those who have contributed.

Like this project?  Want to learn more?  Want exclusive access to behind-the-scenes content?  Go to my Patreon site and see how you can become a part of the action!