Realizing Your Whole Self

It's time for another double portion!  This week we read "The Road to Isengard" and "Flotsam and Jetsam."  The first chapter covers Theoden, his men, and Gandalf and company going to Isengard to confront Saruman.  Upon their arrival they are reunited with Merry and Pippin, who welcome them to the wreckage.  The Ents have lain waste to Isengard.  In the second chapter, Gandalf and the Rohirrim go onward toward Orthanc, Saruman's tower.  But Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli stay behind to catch up with Merry and Pippin.

Aragorn recounts how they tracked them across the plains, all the way to Fangorn Forest, even into its depths - stopping only when they found Gandalf.  This leads Pippin to exclaim, "Strider the Ranger has come back!"  Aragorn responds "He has never been away... I belong both to Gondor and the North."

Many of us can relate.  We belong in many different communities.  But how we belong in each community might be different.  We may be a leader in one but merely an onlooker in another, and something in between in a third.  This is not to say one is better - indeed, if we were a leader everywhere that would be exhausting.  But with each role comes different responsibilities and expectations.  We behave differently at each.  Accompanying the behavior change is also a language change.  This is known as code switching.

Code switching is nothing new.  We all do it.  We speak differently to our parents than to our peers, and different still to our grandparents.  We speak differently in school and differently at work and differently when out on the town.  Code switching is a regularly exercised skill.

The positive side of code switching is it allows us to fit in.  A community has an expectation of us - code switching allows us to fulfill that expectation.  To use the examples above, a leader speaks differently than an onlooker.  A leader who speaks as an onlooker will be seen as uninspiring, and an onlooker who speaks as a leader will be seen as self-important.

To use myself as an example, as an educator I need to be at least competent in what's "hip," otherwise my students might tune me out.  While I am an avid gamer anyway, I try games that do not appeal to me merely so I can learn more about what my students are talking about (Recently that has meant playing Fortnite and in the past that has meant playing Minecraft).  However, most of my colleagues are my age and so when I speak to them about the latest game, I need to speak more academically, or else they won't take me seriously.

The downside of code switching is it can create islands of identity.  In one setting we are a leader, in another we are an onlooker.  However, both the onlooker and the leader are us.  I am an avid gamer and a knowledgeable educator in-tune with the kids.  That I highlight one aspect in one setting does not mean the other ceases to exist.  But it can sometimes feel like we're hiding who we really are.  It is easy to think of code switching as a defensive tactic.  Indeed, some people must do it for their survival.  But most do it for more a innocuous reason: To fit in.  You are not repressing your true self, you're just fulfilling your role in that group dynamic.

In these moments, let us remember what Aragorn says: "S/he has never been away!"  Aragorn is both a descendant of kings and an accomplished and skilled ranger.  He highlights whichever of those roles he thinks will be most useful in the moment.  But he remains keenly aware that he is one person with one multifaceted identity.  He does not have many identities - instead, his one identity is layered.  Similarly, you can be an amateur bowler and an online troll and a loving parent and a basketball fan and a call center worker and a horror aficionado.  However complex your identity is you should remember all those parts make up a single whole - you. 

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