Of Apologies and Forgiveness

[Pippin] fell back, clinging to the wizard's hand. 'Gandalf!' he cried. 'Gandalf! Forgive me!'
'Forgive you?' said the wizard. 'Tell me first what you have done!'

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This week's chapter is called simply "The Palantir."  It is not about the tech company, which is just a PR disaster away from regretting its name.  Our heroes leave Saruman to sulk in Isengard.  But they are not empty-handed.  Wormtongue had hurled a glass ball from the tower at them.  It missed, and Pippin grabbed it before it rolled away into the water.  Gandalf immediately takes it from him, suggesting it is no ordinary orb, but he will not say what it is.

That evening, Pippin is full of questions.  He creeps over to Gandalf's bed, who is protecting it "like a hen on an egg."  He, Indiana Jones style, switches the ball with a rock, and he looks into it.  The glass ball is a Palantir an ancient magical device of communication.  In the old days it was how Gondor kept its wide kingdom united.  Using the Palantiri, instant communication was possible.  But they have been lost for some time.

When Pippin looks into the Palantir he sees Sauron - and Sauron sees him!  Sauron, not knowing Saruman has been defeated, assumes Pippin is Saruman's captive, and that Pippin has the Ring.  Sauron orders Pippin to tell Saruman "this trinket is not for him."  Pippin gives a cry, which rouses Gandalf and the others, and then faints.

Gandalf throws his cloak over the ball, then attends to Pippin.  Pippin soon wakes up and reaches out to Gandalf.  It's at this point the exchange that opened this post happens.

When's the last time you screwed up?  I mean really screwed up.  A screw up that cost you money or time or reputation.  I bet it felt awful.  You were probably embarrassed by it.  You likely wanted nothing more than to be forgiven, and quickly, so you could put the incident behind you.

I made a big mistake at work recently.  I run a youth program, and I need to ensure our programs don't conflict with other youth programs in the community.  But last week we had a last minute cancellation, and in my hurry to reschedule the program, I accidentally scheduled the program during one of those other programs.  I had screwed up.

I recently heard about two types of compassion:  Cheap compassion and wise compassion.  Cheap compassion is basically commiseration.  A friend loses their job, has a break up, drops their phone in the toilet - whatever.  Cheap compassion is us listening to them complain and agreeing - Yes, your boss was a jerk; Yes, she wasn't right for you; Yes, that is unfortunate, etc.  It's important, especially in the immediate aftermath.  Our friend is likely overwhelmed with emotion.  We should help provide a place for them to get them out.

But cheap compassion doesn't solve the problem.  It just provides a place to vent.  Wise compassion is how the underlying problems get solved.  Were your perfectionist tendencies making all of your work project late?  Was your desire to be in a relationship so strong that you ended up in one that was doomed from the start?  If you drop your phone in the toilet so often, maybe you should stop bringing it into the bathroom.  But wise compassion requires hard questions.  While we do it from a compassionate point of view (We love our friends, of course, and want them to overcome their underlying issues), it can provoke anger and defensiveness, "Are you saying this is my fault??!"  Sometimes the answer is yes.  It can be hard to be the one to hold up that mirror.  But if we don't, if we just give cheap compassion, the problems will repeat.

Pippin knows he has screwed up.  He went face to face with Sauron and spoke to him.  It is difficult to think of a worse outcome.  Pippin is overwhelmed with guilt and just wants the situation to be over - he wants to be forgiven so they can move on.

But Gandalf will not forgive him.  Not right away.  First, he must know what Pippin has done.  What needs to be forgiven, why did Pippin do it, and what might result from it?  Gandalf presses Pippin to tell him more of the encounter.  Firmly, but gently, Gandalf gets Pippin to tell him everything.  Once he is satisfied, Gandalf takes Pippin's face in his hands and says, "A fool, but an honest fool, you remain, Peregrin Took."

It is impossible to go through life without screw ups.  What defines us is how we respond.  When I realized my mistake I felt embarrassed and defensive.  Not defensive because I didn't think anything was wrong, but because it was an honest mistake and I wanted to be forgiven immediately for it.  But that's not how forgiveness works.  It needs to be earned.

I sent out an apology email to affected families.  But before I did, I looked up what makes an effective apology.  I began with an admission of guilty, and an acknowledgement of the inconvenience I had caused (and would cause by yet another schedule change).  I explained what led to the screw up - I wanted to give families ample time of the schedule change, and in doing so failed to check with our master schedule first.  This was not to be defensive, but as a way for me to be transparent with what had gone wrong.  A way to turn my screw up into a teachable moment.  Then I explained what the new plan, one that didn't have the same schedule conflict.  Finally, I said I would strive to ensure it did not happen again, and I thanked those who emailed me their concerns and encouraged families to do so again in the future if I made another mistake.

I was:

1. Remorseful about the impact I had on them
2. Open about my responsibility
3. Grateful of critical feedback and open to it in the future.

All these things being done, I was finally in a position to be forgiven and move on.

Wise compassion ain't easy.  There's a reason therapists usually do it.  It's really, really tough to be that kind of honest with your friends and loved ones.  But wise compassion, if you can endure it, leads to real growth.  Pippin is eventually forgiven, but he grows during this chapter.  He had been led astray by his curiosity and has learned his lesson.  But there's more.  Now that Sauron believes Saruman has the Ring, he must go to Isengard to retrieve it.  The Nazgûl will be sent out.  But Sauron will soon learn of Saruman's defeat, and that the Ring is not being kept at Isengard for him.  He will send his entire army against Gondor in the hopes of defeating humans before they can wield the Ring against him.

And all of this coming calamity is Pippin's fault.  It cannot be fixed with a quick apology and forgiveness.  The future has been irrevocably changed - for the worse - and again it is Pippin's fault.  He must take responsibility.

And he will.  Gandalf forgives him, but that is not where things end.  Realizing the danger to Gondor, Gandalf decides to ride to Minas Tirith and warn the Steward about Mordor's coming attack.  And Pippin must come with him.  We aren't told exactly why Gandalf takes him, but here's an educated guess:  Pippin has begun a fresh set of dominoes.  They will fall hardest on Minas Tirith.  He should be there for it.

We now come to the end of book 3 (Remember, each volume of the trilogy is really two books).  When we next see Pippin in book 5 we will see him come face to face with the consequences of his actions.  Beyond that, we will also see his efforts to mitigate the very worst.

The Lord of the Rings: An Ethical Guide is a Patreon-supported project.  Thank you to all those who have contributed.

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Demanding and Granting Respect

This week's chapter is called "The Voice of Saruman."  Gandalf has arrived at Saruman's tower in Isengard, Orthanc.  Gandalf wants to talk to Saruman and attempt to convince him to give up his ambitions and rejoin the fight again Sauron.

It does not go well.  Saruman, speaking from a balcony high above, stubbornly refuses to listen.  Eventually, Saruman tries to turn the tables by inviting Gandalf, alone, into Orthanc, saying:

Let us understand one another, and dismiss from

thought these lesser folk! Let them wait on our decisions!

For the common good I am willing to redress the past, and

to receive you. Will you not consult with me? Will you not come up?

Gandalf responds by recalling his last visit to Orthanc, during which Saruman revealed his allegiance to Sauron and imprisoned Gandalf when he refused to join.  He says "Nay, the guest who has escaped from the roof, will think twice before he comes back in by the door.  Nay, I do not think I will come up. But listen, Saruman, for the last time! Will you not come down?"

Saruman and Gandalf both want to have a conversation.   They even have a similar goal - they both want to be on the same side.  What they disagree on is which side that should be.

Let's look closer at the specific language used.  Saruman is asking Gandalf to come up.  He is inviting him in.  By saying "I am willing to receive you," Saruman is presenting himself as the powerful and gracious one.  Saruman could refuse Gandalf, but in fact invites him in.

But Saruman has just lost the Battle of Helm's Deep and Isengard has been taken by the ents.  Saruman is in no position to play host.  He is defeated, and yet he clings to his pride and pretends that being literally above the others means he is actually superior to them.  It's absurd for him to say "I am willing to receive you," when it is they who have come to his door in the first place.  His invitation is irrelevant.

Gandalf, by demanding Saruman comes down, is trying to get Saruman to accept defeat and show humility.  It is in his tower that Saruman first allied with Sauron, and where he imprisoned Gandalf, and from where he commanded his armies.  Saruman must admit defeat before any meaningful dialogue can take place.  Leaving his tower is a way of showing he acknowledges his defeat.  Remaining there signals he is still willing to fight.

Saruman should have come down.  He has faced a stunning defeat - the Uruk-Hai have been destroyed, the Dunland men whom he stirred against Rohan have surrendered, and Isengard is in ruins.  Nothing but pride holds him in his tower.

However, there are times when we have been defeated that it is fitting for us to demand others still "come up".  Most political defeats, for example, are temporary.  If everyone who lost an election also completely gave up, democracies would cease to function.  We can have high-minded ideals, lose an election, and keep the ideals.  To continue to demand respect (for both ourselves and our ideals) we show that our support was not for political expediency but out of true conviction.  It may inspire or enrage others, but politics should be messy.  If no one had convictions, what could we possibly fight for?

This of course extends beyond politics.  There are many social and professional and personal situations where we people should "come up".  Hosting friends is a great way to strengthen bonds - you're opening yourself up, if only they'd join.  If you only spend time with each other at bars or bowling alleys, so called "neutral places," the intimacy is limited.

Professionally, there are many times when we have a goal for our workplace.  Speaking from my experience, I open each of my elementary school-age classes with a 5 minute welcome circle.  It's a brief time for everyone to share how they are doing.  My supervisors both told me I shouldn't do it because it wastes time that could be used for education.  But I pushed back, saying we were building community, which had its own value, and which also would positively affect the classroom overall (children are more likely to learn in environments they are comfortable).  I stood my ground, and now I am able to hold those welcome circles without interference.

Yet there are also times when we ought to "come down" to others.  Humility has great value.  Especially if we are trying to convince someone of our position, they are more likely to listen to our position if they like us, the messenger.  We see this with Fox News, which praised Trump for doing the same thing they had previously excoriated Obama for.  Not that we expect Fox to be a model of journalism anyway, but the point remains.  Often our response to content is greatly colored by its delivery and deliverer.

Perhaps you've heard of the sandwich method of feedback.  It says superiors should advise their staff by sandwiching negative feedback with positive feedback.  People are more likely to listen to negative feedback if they believe it is for their own good and not out of spite.  It's why interventions require loved ones, and cannot just be by strangers.

The sandwich method shows the listener they are being noticed for what they've done right and that the speaker cares about them.  The message is "You do this thing right, and that's great.  Wouldn't it be great to do more things right?"  It's inspiring and positive.

Knowing when one should be willing to 'come down' and when one should insist others 'come up' is important.  There are times we need to stand firm on our beliefs and force people to reckon with our presence and convictions.  But there are also times we should be willing to 'come down' to other people's levels and speak in a way more understanding and sympathetic towards their position.  And, hey, if you 'come down' and are truly persuasive, maybe those you spoke to will 'come up' to your tower of conviction and join you.  That's the power of respect.

The Lord of the Rings: An Ethical Guide is a Patreon-supported project.  Thank you to all those who have contributed.

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Realizing Your Whole Self

It's time for another double portion!  This week we read "The Road to Isengard" and "Flotsam and Jetsam."  The first chapter covers Theoden, his men, and Gandalf and company going to Isengard to confront Saruman.  Upon their arrival they are reunited with Merry and Pippin, who welcome them to the wreckage.  The Ents have lain waste to Isengard.  In the second chapter, Gandalf and the Rohirrim go onward toward Orthanc, Saruman's tower.  But Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli stay behind to catch up with Merry and Pippin.

Aragorn recounts how they tracked them across the plains, all the way to Fangorn Forest, even into its depths - stopping only when they found Gandalf.  This leads Pippin to exclaim, "Strider the Ranger has come back!"  Aragorn responds "He has never been away... I belong both to Gondor and the North."

Many of us can relate.  We belong in many different communities.  But how we belong in each community might be different.  We may be a leader in one but merely an onlooker in another, and something in between in a third.  This is not to say one is better - indeed, if we were a leader everywhere that would be exhausting.  But with each role comes different responsibilities and expectations.  We behave differently at each.  Accompanying the behavior change is also a language change.  This is known as code switching.

Code switching is nothing new.  We all do it.  We speak differently to our parents than to our peers, and different still to our grandparents.  We speak differently in school and differently at work and differently when out on the town.  Code switching is a regularly exercised skill.

The positive side of code switching is it allows us to fit in.  A community has an expectation of us - code switching allows us to fulfill that expectation.  To use the examples above, a leader speaks differently than an onlooker.  A leader who speaks as an onlooker will be seen as uninspiring, and an onlooker who speaks as a leader will be seen as self-important.

To use myself as an example, as an educator I need to be at least competent in what's "hip," otherwise my students might tune me out.  While I am an avid gamer anyway, I try games that do not appeal to me merely so I can learn more about what my students are talking about (Recently that has meant playing Fortnite and in the past that has meant playing Minecraft).  However, most of my colleagues are my age and so when I speak to them about the latest game, I need to speak more academically, or else they won't take me seriously.

The downside of code switching is it can create islands of identity.  In one setting we are a leader, in another we are an onlooker.  However, both the onlooker and the leader are us.  I am an avid gamer and a knowledgeable educator in-tune with the kids.  That I highlight one aspect in one setting does not mean the other ceases to exist.  But it can sometimes feel like we're hiding who we really are.  It is easy to think of code switching as a defensive tactic.  Indeed, some people must do it for their survival.  But most do it for more a innocuous reason: To fit in.  You are not repressing your true self, you're just fulfilling your role in that group dynamic.

In these moments, let us remember what Aragorn says: "S/he has never been away!"  Aragorn is both a descendant of kings and an accomplished and skilled ranger.  He highlights whichever of those roles he thinks will be most useful in the moment.  But he remains keenly aware that he is one person with one multifaceted identity.  He does not have many identities - instead, his one identity is layered.  Similarly, you can be an amateur bowler and an online troll and a loving parent and a basketball fan and a call center worker and a horror aficionado.  However complex your identity is you should remember all those parts make up a single whole - you. 

The Lord of the Rings: An Ethical Guide is a Patreon-supported project.  Thank you to all those who have contributed.

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Start With The End In Mind

This week's chapter is called "Helm's Deep".  What the movies depict as a battle that lasts half of the film, in our text is only one chapter - and it isn't even that long!

Theoden leads his army toward Isengard to attack, but reports reach them than Isengard has already attacked Rohan and that the borderlands have fallen.  Unwilling to do battle all across the Rohirrim plain, Theoden retreats to Helm's Deep, a mountain fortress.  At this point, Gandalf leaves the company to rally the Rohirrim units that scattered across the land when the borderlands were lost.

When Theoden arrives at Helm's Deep they find the fortress, with its small garrison, is already under attack.  Theoden's forces slowly but surely break through the attackers and enter the fortress.  But there are many thousands more of Isengard's army coming behind them.

The rest of the battle is Theoden's forces slowly losing ground to Isengard's forces.  They lose an outer wall, a small stream, and another wall.  Finally, sensing total defeat is near, Theoden decides to make a final charge.  He would rather die a heroic death on the field than a defeated one among ruins.

He and Eomer and Aragorn all lead a final charge into the fray.  But, look! Here comes Gandalf with the Rohirrim troops.  And a forest has now appeared on the Rohirrim plain - Fanghorn has arrived!  Surrounded, the orcs panic and are utterly destroyed.  The battle is over.

During the battle, after they have retaken Helm's Deep, a group of Rohirrim come up to Gimli and update him on what's happening.

'The enemy is at hand!' they said. 'We loosed every

arrow that we had, and filled the dike with Orcs.

But it will not halt them long. Already they are scaling

the bank at many points, thick as marching ants.

But we have taught them not to carry torches.'

The battle begins at night during a thunder storm, so the Orcs carry torches to help them see.  However, the torches also help the defenders know where the enemy is.  They are able to strike back more effectively.  Whatever use the torches had is negated by the onslaught of arrows.

But this defeat is only temporary.  "It will not halt them long."  The orcs will attack again, and with a new tactic.   They bring extra shields to carry over their heads to protect themselves from arrows.  The old strategy will not work.

But, as the torches made them easy targets for arrows, these shields make them easy targets for ambushes.  Eomer and Aragorn and Gimli are able to flank them, and the shields become an extra burden instead protection.  Once again, the orcs are beaten back.  But once again they will attack.  And when they do, they will have a new strategy.

We, too, must be dynamic in our pursuit of goals.  We must be willing to respond to defeat.  The orcs were taught not to carry torches - and in their next wave they indeed took that lesson to heart.  If orcs can do it, so can we!

So often we find our preferred strategy and stick to it - even beyond usefulness.  We're so focused on doing what we know has worked in the past we forget to check if it still works.  This leads to many problems.  Being committed to a single tactic also means we are committed to a single weakness.  Once it is found it can be exploited over and over again.  We must be nimble and willing to change as the situation demands - otherwise those who wish will always know how to defeat us.

The title of this post is "Start with the end in mind."  It is a phrase I, and many other teachers, when building lesson plans.  The purpose of each class, of course, is to give students knowledge or skills they did not have before.  So that's where I begin: What will students know they didn't know before.  Then I create activities that will help the students get there.  I vary the activities in order to engage all kinds of students.

For example, one class I'm teaching this semester is about Jewish Science Fiction.  Sometimes we will read the stories outloud in a round and discuss them as a group.  Sometimes students will read in pairs and discuss them in pairs and present their ideas to the class.  Sometimes I'll find an audiobook of the story and we'll listen to the story that way.

The "end" I have in mind is that the students will learn the Jewish influences in the science fiction stories we read.  But how they read the story and how they discuss the meaning doesn't matter nearly as much.  The class may be more engaging to me if I dramatically read every story to the students myself, but that doesn't mean it is engaging to them.  It cannot be just about me - it must be about my audience.

So I vary my teaching techniques - but I do not vary my endgoals.  Responding to defeat by moving the goalposts is accepting defeat and redefining victory.  That's not what I'm suggesting at all.  What I'm saying is we must be vigilant and committed to victory, and not merely to our favorite technique.  Victory is not easy.  We must pursue it doggedly, and be willing to go out of our comfort zone to achieve it.  Otherwise, we open ourselves to repeated failures.

The Lord of the Rings: An Ethical Guide is a Patreon-supported project.  Thank you to all those who have contributed.

Like this project?  Want to learn more?  Want exclusive access to behind-the-scenes content?  Go to my Patreon site and see how you can become a part of the action!  

Constructive Criticism VS Blind Support

This week we read "The King of the Golden Hall."  Aragorn and company go to Edoras, where Theoden, the king of Rohan, sits.  They hope to stir the Rohirrim against Saruman.

When they arrive they find Rohan in the midst of a crisis.  The guards will not speak to them in Common Tongue, forcing Gandalf to translate most of the exchange back and forth.  One of Saruman's own men sits as chief advisor to Theoden, who has been enchanted to keep him weak of body and dull of mind.  Eomer, upon returning from his ride during which we met him earlier, has been imprisoned.  Finally, Theodred, the king's son, has been recently killed in battle.  Rohan is on the brink of existential disaster.

Fortunately, there are those among Rohan's rank and file who realize their hard situation and are distrustful of the chief advisor, unsubtly named Gríma Wormtongue.  Eomer's imprisonment is the last straw for them - but what can they do now?  When Gandalf speaks to them in their own language they realize he may be their salvation.  They escort them all to Edoras.

At the door to the king's hall there is another confrontation.  The guard informs them that Gríma has forbidden all weapons from coming inside.  Gandalf insists his staff is just a walking stick. The guard, Háma, says:

'The staff in the hand of a wizard may be more than a

prop for age' said Háma. He looked hard at the ash-staff

on which Gandalf leaned. 'Yet in doubt a man of worth

will trust to his own wisdom. I believe you are friends and folk

worthy of honour, who have no evil purpose. You may go in.'

These two decisions, to break the law of the land in pursuit of something else, allows our heroes to assist the Rohirrim.  Gandalf is able to counter Saruman's enchantments and free King Theoden from Gríma's grip.  Eomer is set free and Gríma flees.  Rohan survives to fight another day.

Theoden, like any wise leader, does not rule autocratically.  He surrounds himself with trustworthy people who share his goal - to do what is best for Rohan.  These people have Theoden's interest in mind, sure, but they are not slaves or yes men and women.  Being surrounded by those who always support you may feel good but it will lead you to failure and stagnation.  When Theoden is being led astray by Gríma, his people can be depended on to right the situation.  Let's examine:

The Rohirrim are told to greet strangers only in their own tongue.  This is a protective move - it makes outsiders feel unwelcome and more likely to leave them alone - but it also prevents outsiders from helping, too.  Gríma knows the more isolated Rohan becomes, the more dependent on him Theoden will become.  When they hear Gandalf speaking in their language the guards see he must have been a friend of Rohan at one point, since he speaks their language with such ease.

Háma, too, finds himself in a difficult spot.  He has orders to take everyone's weapons before allowing them entry (we learn Gríma specifically told him to take Gandalf's staff).  But Háma does not enforce the order.  As we saw earlier, Háma says "Yet in doubt a man of worth will trust to his own wisdom.  I believe you are friends and folkworthy of honour, who have no evil purpose."  Háma takes orders, but he is not a pawn.  When there is a conflict he follows his conscience.  Indeed, Theoden rewards Háma once he recovers from the enchantment.

People don't like when they are forced by circumstances to act against their moral sense.  Theoden is saved not because his people are loyal to his commands (for indeed, while Gríma was making the decisions, the commands were proclaimed in Theoden's name), but because they are loyal to his values - to protect Rohan.  If that means they must occasionally subvert his power, so be it.

Sometimes we will go astray.  Whether our Gríma is a pet project or our own ego or we just stray from the course, all of us at some time or another lose sight of our goals.  When that happens, we need to be surrounded not by people who support us, but by people who support our mission.  Those are the people most likely to speak truthfully to us in need or to subvert bad directions.  The best advisors are dedicated to the same ideals as you, but not necessarily dedicated to you.

The converse of all of this is true, too.  Sometimes we are not Theoden, needing to be rescued from Gríma, but Gandalf, needing to provide redirection to someone.  If they are surrounded by yes people, it will be more difficult.  You will need to find a way to get under their skin, so to speak.

Michael Cohen's recent House testimony is a good example.  By his own admission, he worked to empower and protect "a liar, a conman, and a racist," for years.  But he has been caught, and he is going to pay for what he's done.  No longer seeing any value in keeping quiet, he is speaking the truth.  Is it to cleanse his previous sins?  Is it to clear his mind?  Is it to get attention?  It doesn't really matter.  He is a crack in the dam.

If you want to redirect (or fully replace) someone, your best bet is to start small.  Find their allies who are dissatisfied, who feel they're being used for a purpose different than that for which they signed up.  It may take a long time, but one's lower levels of support often hold key pieces of information.  The guards Gandalf first speaks to are not given names in our text, yet their decisions are critical to how the chapter unfolds.  No one is without value.

At the end of the chapter Theoden gives Eomer some relevant praise.  "'I owe much to Éomer,' said Théoden. 'Faithful heart may have froward tongue.'"  Sometimes the person we need protection from is ourselves.  No one likes being denied, but those who love us and share our ideals must sometimes do it.  They challenge us so we can grow.  We must create a space for them to do so, and cultivate an atmosphere of constructive criticism.

The Lord of the Rings: An Ethical Guide is a Patreon-supported project.  Thank you to all those who have contributed.

Like this project?  Want to learn more?  Want exclusive access to behind-the-scenes content?  Go to my Patreon site and see how you can become a part of the action!