This week we read "The Mirror of Galadriel." Early in the chapter, before the titular event, Galadriel addresses the Fellowship, and the topic of Gandalf's fall comes up. There is some muttering from others about how Moria was a Dwarven realm, and Gimli appears to take personal responsibility for the Fellowship going there. Galadriel then says,
"Dark is the water of Kheled-zâram, and cold are the springs of Kibil-nâla,
and fair were the many-pillared halls of Khazad-dûm"... She looked upon Gimli, who sat
glowering and sad, and she smiled. And the Dwarf, hearing the names given in his own ancient
tongue, looked up and met her eyes; and it seemed to him that he looked into the heart of an enemy
and saw there love and understanding. Wonder came into his face, and then he smiled in answer.
"How beautiful is reconciliation - to bury a hatchet once held dearly!"
"But why did 'it seemed to him', only?"
"Because Galadriel was never his enemy."
"But surely the Elves, whom she leads, were. It was only last chapter they wanted to bind his eyes so he wouldn't see the way to Lothlorien! Does Galadriel have a responsibility for that enmity?"
"How responsible can leaders be for their people?"
"What a question is that! How can they be leaders if they are not responsible for their people? What else is leadership?!"
"Aah, good point. So maybe that is not what 'seemed' means here. Maybe it was just to convey his experience - he seemed to look into the heart of the enemy. But then, all at once, he realized she wasn't one. He saw something else."
"More that he heard something. Galadriel spoke his people's words in a stirring tongue. He looked up and locked eyes with an enemy, expecting maybe mockery, or cultural superiority - the specialty of the Elves - but instead saw love and understanding."
"What do we mean by these words?"
"Love is to accept as one is, and to hope for future growth. Understanding is a willingness to listen, and maybe to change one's mind."
"I can understand an opposing argument and not agree with it."
"But you will never agree with an opposing argument you do not understand."
"Fair point. So what does it mean Gimli saw these things in Galadriel?"
"Galadriel doesn't wish Gimli any wrong. She accepts he is a dwarf and looks forward to him becoming an Elf-friend. She will also listen to his stories, and maybe change her perspective on the history of Elf-Dwarf relationships."
"So should we, when we find an enemy. We should try to love and understand them."
"It is not so easy!"
"Ethics is making the harder choice."
"Yes, but it is not as easy as deciding to do so. Galadriel has shown Gimli she values his point of view by speaking dwarven words. Surely these places have Elven names, too. But she doesn't refer to them in that way. This opens the bridge between them. It's what causes Gimli to look at her in the first place. But whether she built the bridge to mock him or welcome him, that wasn't yet clear."
"So she could have spoken those words and revelaed herself as the enemy he believed her to be."
"Correct. Using a language he understands to show it is different than her own."
"So how some may refer to a non-binary person as 'they' to show they are an ally, but others may do so in a mocking tone."
"Language is more than just the words we speak."
"What's the lesson here - to speak genuinely and kindly?"
"No - that's too much a matter of motivation. Plus you say we should try to love and understand an enemy when we come across then, but there are times when it is right to rebuke and even shame. But we must always be open, as Gimli was, to reconciliation. To the idea our opponents may be genuine, or that our ideas of them are outdated. It is comfortable, and therefore easy, to assume ancient enmity will always endure. Changing minds is difficult, least of all our own."
"I can change my mind whenever I want to! I will never change my mind. See? I just did it!""
"But what about when it counts? What about when it means disagreeing with friends, or feeling like you are (or being seen as) compromising your values?"
"But then I may lose the love and understanding of those friends."
"Then you never had it if it depended on alignment with an ideology! That is love and understanding of an ideal, not a person! The world is complicated and people are more than their ideas - even ideas important to them. We all compromise on our beliefs at some point, or at least we should. A life well lived is not one of unshaken belief, or solidly laid-out arguments."
"So when we find love and understanding in the heart of one who seemed an enemy, we should not reject it, but be open to it?"
"Yes - we should even reciprocate the love and understanding. That is the harder choice. There is comfort in designating your enemy as eternal and just alienating them, but you do your cause no good."
"And of our friends?"
"If we find those around us, those who are friends and family, are dedicated to something besides love and understanding, be wary. Seek a new group, or at least another group, to spend time with."
"Why did you specify friends and family? Why not everyone?"
"Because co-workers, fellows in clubs and activism, in these people there is some goal bringing everyone together besides love and understanding. Love and understanding can also be present, and there are ways better and worse ways to prioritize The Goal over love and understanding, but one should be cautious about using a job or a hobby or an ideal as a way of making friends, or finding a family. Friendship requires, and family's are expected to, dedicate themselves to each person involved. When we look into the eyes of a friend or family with whom we are in deep disagreement we should still find that love and understanding."
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