A Friendly Conspiracy

This week's chapter is called "A Conspiracy Unmasked."  Given all the things we've been reading about (The One Ring, the Black Riders, Gollum) we would be right to expect this is chapter foreshadows more bad news for Frodo and his friends.  But the Creative Wizard is more clever than that.  As we shall see, sometimes it is a friend behind the mask.

Frodo and Sam and Pippin have finally arrived at Crickhollow, Frodo's "destination".  He is, of course, going much further from Bag End than Crickhollow.  But he wants to keep it secret - so he has told everyone, including his friends, that Crickhollow is where his journeys end.  Only Sam knows his true purpose.

In Crickhollow, Fatty Bolger and Merry Brandybuck greet the three and cook them dinner.  Fatty and Merry are two of Frodo's closest friends from childhood.  As they eat around the warm fire, Frodo realizes he must soon leave these comforts.  After dinner, he attempts to explain what he must do.  But he cannot find the words.  Finally Frodo says "I have got something to tell you all, but I don't quite know how to begin."

At this point, Merry breaks in.  He tells him that they know he is going away and they will go with him.  Merry and Pippin, you see, have noticed strange changes in Frodo's behavior, and - after some prodding - Sam told them all of what he knew about the Ring and Frodo's mission.  Though initially reluctant - he feels guilty for endangering his friends - Frodo relents.  Thus, the conspiracy is unmasked, and it is merely a group of dedicated friends.  Indeed, at one point, Frodo calls them "decietful scoundrels".

However, by the end, though the danger is great, Merry and Pippin have committed themselves to Frodo's mission - more for the sake of Frodo than for the mission itself.  As Merry says, "We are horribly afraid - but we are coming with you; or following you like hounds."  They fill some packs and prepare to leave the Shire the next day.  Together.

This past Thursday was National Coming Out Day.  Sadly, it will come as no surprise to most of you that it is still extremely dangerous to be gay in America.  Or trans.  Or anything that deviates from being the cultural norm (Heterosexual and cis).  The kind of physical violence and psychological cruelty often aimed at these people is abhorrent.  That's why a National Coming Out Day is so important.

National Coming Out Day addresses two issues that hinder LGBT acceptance.  The first is people tend to support LGBT rights if they know an LGBT person.  According to that study, there's a 40 percent increase in support if someone knows "a lot" of people who are "gay or lesbian."  Even if they know just "one or two," support still increases by 11%.  For those of us who already support LGBT rights (or are LGBT) it can be distasteful to think someone may only support LGBT rights if they know someone in that category.  However, we live in a democracy.  The people vote.  It doesn't really matter how we get them to support LGBT rights, as long as we get them to do it.

A story: When I was in high school I was pretty lukewarm about LGBT acceptance.  I didn't have a problem with them - I just wasn't motivated to advocate for them.  But then a close friend of mine came out as being lesbian and it began to dawn on me that someone might treat her badly because of this.  That would be unjust!  And that was the beginning of my LGBT advocacy.  I guess I'm a little ashamed it took me needing to have a personal stake to care, but I also know that that motivates me to go the extra mile as an advocate and ally.

National Coming Out Day provides an opportunity to turn those who otherwise are apathetic about (or opposed to) LGBT rights into advocates by showing them how the issue affects them and their friends and family.  If a family member comes out at LGBT, maybe that will motivate the whole family to political action.

I can't find a source, and it's likely not true, but one of my favorite quotes about this is, "I spent my whole life being homophobic.  Then God gave me three gay sons and told me to grow the hell up."

Of course, I am describing the ideal situation.  Many families are not supportive, and some are terribly cruel, even kicking their own children out of their homes.  (Click here to donate to an organization that fights LGBT homelessness (I already donated, but send me your receipt (Contact me on Patreon if you don't have my personal contact info) and I will match it (up to $20 per person, up to $100 total (What, you think my day job as an educator gives me infinite extra cash?)))) Damn, that's a lot of parentheses

The second issue National Coming Out Day addresses is visibility.  A lot of people in America live in small communities.  These communities often lack diversity.  In the absence of LGBT people, homophobia can stir (As we said earlier, homophobia declines as people know LGBT people.  Similarly, homophobia can thrive where there are no LGBT people).  And, since one can choose to hide their LGBT identity, we can reasonably assume some people hide (or, worse, entirely suppress) their LGBT identity to avoid that homophobia.  Less LGBT presence can increase homophobia  Thus, homophobia breeds homophobia.

National Coming Out Day is not just a day to come out, but a day to celebrate those who have.  Ideally people would say "Oh, my favorite celebrity is LGBT, how cool," and they'd change their opinion accordingly.  I think that's unlikely.  However, as those closeted LGBT people see famous people who are like them - people they can see on TV or in movies - they may grow to accept their own identity.  And whether that means they come out to their community or just accept themselves a little more than they did before, that's good news.  Coming out breeds more coming out.

OK - what's the connection here?  Frodo has a dangerous journey ahead of him.  And, because he cares about his friends, he wants to leave them out of it.  This is an admirable goal - it is HIS task.  HE should burden the risk.  There's no reason anyone else should put themselves in danger.

But his friends view it differently.  Frodo has a dangerous journey ahead of him.  It is HIS task.  HE will burden all the risk.  That seems dangerous.  And so, because they care about him, they will not let him go alone: "We are coming with you; or following you like hounds."

I am sure coming out is a stressful process.  It can be really easy to shoulder all that stress yourself.  Coming out is a personal process, after all.  No one else deserves any of that stress.  How unfair would it be to burden your friends with it?

And yet, your friends will see it differently.  Coming out is a stressful process.  They will want to help.  Coming out is a personal process - but isn't everything?  They want to help.

And what if they don't?  Friendship requires a back and forth.  What if your friend complains to you about their day but then, when you try to complain about yours, they tell you that your problems aren't their concern.  You wouldn't be friends with this person for very long.  A true friend takes your struggles as seriously as their own.  If you try to come out to someone and they refute you or don't want to listen then they probably won't be a good friend to you as you become your full self.

I cannot give a one-size-fits-all answer.  There are parts of the country where being LGBT is truly dangerous.  This blog won't change that.  There are some friends who may prove false.  There are families who may prove false.  If you're concerned about that situation but still want someone to talk to you can contact me or check out this LGBT-specific online community.

But for those of you who have friends you can trust reach out to them.  As Merry says, "You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin... But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone,"  Friends are critical.  Friends provide support and safe spaces.  Friends comfort you when you are down and celebrate with you when you are up.  A life without others is a lonely one.  Even the seemingly immortal Tom Bombadil, whom we will meet soon, has Goldberry.  It may seem noble and prudent to take on all the risk yourself, sparing your friends, but there's no need to be a martyr.

Conspiracies are often framed as negative and subversive.  That's an accurate description, I think.  "Piracy" is contained within the word.  But piracy is just capturing ships without legal authority - the act of capturing ships remains the same.  What's different is whether one is permitted to do so.

When tyranny is law, revolution is order.  Conspiracies, then, are good if the power structure they subvert are bad or harmful.  And you better believe our current system hurts the LGBT community.  The best response is for that community to come together.  And what is a community but a series of friendships?  So find your friends and create a conspiracy.  Fight the system.  And if that seems too large a task then think of the other LGBT people who will be inspired to come out because you did (or because you supported someone in their coming out).  Make this country safer for LGBT folks to be themselves and as more come out their increasing visibility will erode homophobia (For, as we saw above, homophobia drops significantly as people realize they know LGBT people).  Success breeds success.  There's no reason to fight alone.

The Lord of the Rings: An Ethical Guide is a Patreon-supported project.  Thank you to all those who have contributed.

Like this project?  Want to learn more?  Want exclusive access to behind-the-scenes content?  Go to my Patreon site and see how you can become a part of the action!