When Terrible Things Come

Trigger Warning:  Rape.  Also, not so much a trigger warning as a disclaimer, I'll be using quite a bit of hetero-normative language and ideas.  I know this topic affects many more people than heterosexuals, but in order to write something productive, I had to further specify my subject.  It's no coincidence this post wasn't published until Tuesday, instead of the usual Sunday.  This one took a while....



This week's chapter, the final in The Two Towers, is called "The Choices of Master Samwise."  The story picks up right where we left off - Gollum has retreated but Shelob has caught Frodo.  Sam attacks Shelob and defeats her.  Sam then goes to help Frodo, but finds him dead.  That's right - dead.  Sam mourns bitterly, but after a short time he realizes he can't just stay there.  He tries to think of what he can do.  The Creative Wizard paints a dark picture.

Now he tried to find strength to tear himself away and go on a lonely journey - for vengeance.

If once he could go, his anger would bear him down all the roads of the world,

pursuing, until he had him at last:  Gollum.  Then Gollum would die in a corner.  But that was

not what he had set out to do.  It would not be worth while to leave his master for that.

It would not bring him back.  Nothing would...

He looked on the bright point of the sword.  He thought of the places behind where
There was a black brink and an empty fall into nothingness.  There was no escape
that way.  That was to do nothing, not even time to grieve.  That was not
What he had set out to do.  "What am I to do, then?"

Sam ultimately decides to take the Ring, and to continue the Quest.  Of course he does.  He must.  Who would do differently in his shoes?  It is the right - it is the only thing - to do.

I'm not so sure it's that obvious.  Sam, who is usually very affected by emotions, has decided to leave his Master and to continue the Quest on his own.  "Though I do not know the way" is an understatement.  He puts his thoughts of vengeance and despair aside.  Could we, in similar situation?

Earlier this week, there was a shooting tragedy in Isla Vista, CA.  The motivation behind the killing, I think, is by far the most horrifying of those in recent years.  Here's an excerpt from one of the killer's videos:  "I'm 22 years old and still a virgin, never even kissed a girl.  And through college, 2 and a half years, more than that actually, I'm still a virgin.  It has been very torturous.  The popular kids, you never accepted me and now you will all pay for it.  Girls, all I ever wanted was to love you and be loved by you.  I wanted a girlfriend.  I wanted sex, love, affection, adoration."  He also wrote, in a separate document, "I will attack the very girls who represent everything I hate in the female gender:  The hottest sorority of UCSB."

No motive has ever been definitively prescribed to Adam Lanza, the Sandy Hook shooter.  The motive for the JCC shooting in Kansas was anti-Semitism, which while of course hateful, is also generally very impersonal.  It isn't about what the Jews did to me, but what they do to us.  Anti-Semites very rarely have personal motivations to hate - it's based largely on ideology.  But here, the motivation is very personal.  The killer, Elliot Rodgers, felt personally slighted.  He was denied "sex, love, affection, adoration."  Things he felt he deserved.

What right does he have in believing he is owed these things?  Well, a lot.  And it's difficult to blame him.  That obviously doesn't justify what he did, and I don't even mean to say he is, in fact, owed these things (He isn't).  But any uproar that is focused on Elliot Rodgers and not the larger picture of "Women as reward" is missing the point.  Elliot Rodgers might have acted extraordinarily terribly, but he isn't alone in thinking he is owed a hot girlfriend, and that wanting, but not receiving, is "torturous."  (As if women of the world have sex, love, affection, and adoration that they keep to themselves, purposely denying it to otherwise deserving men for the purpose of spiting them.)  I say he acted extraordinarily terribly because there is another, far more ordinary, terrible thing he could have done.  Rape.

20-25% of all women have been raped, or otherwise sexually assaulted.  The attacks fall under a similar category that this shooting spree does.  Man feels sex is owed.  Woman disagrees.  Man attacks to get what he feels is being wrongfully denied.  But unlike shootings, which is something our society is pretty comfortable talking about, rape is something that is socially hushed.  With no one willing to listen, is it surprising that the majority of rape victims blame themselves?  Here we are talking about 7 people who are dead.  But what about the millions of rape (and other types of sexual assault) victims?  They have to go on.

As a percentage, 20-25% of the female population is already pretty high.  But think of it in practice.  1/4 of your female friends, 1/4 of your female colleagues, 1/4 of your female Facebook friends, 1/4 of the women on the same bus as you, etc.  That number adds up quickly.  I've had roughly 12 girlfriends.  Statistically, that means 3 of them, either before or after our relationship, were attacked.  In truth, I know that number is much closer to 6.  That's half.

What do you do when you learn a woman close to you has been attacked?  And let's say you know the attacker?  Let's say you still see them sometimes?  Let's say you need to pin a medal on their shirt for extraordinary military service?  ((House of Cards spoiler!) Watch 9:46-11:50)

Do we, as Frank wants to - as Sam wants to - go for vengeance?  Teach that person a lesson and stand up for the integrity of a woman significant to us?  But, to take our text, "it would not bring [her integrity] back."  The attack happened.  It cannot be undone.

Despair soon follows.  One of those sites I shared says 30% of women who were raped contemplate suicide.  Obviously, that number is lower than the truth, because if some of those who contemplated suicide actually do it, the survey can't talk to them (and often the reason for suicide is muddled - and what an unhappy task it is to try to learn it).  The women despair.  And those close to them can despair, if it does not seem they are getting better.

The five stages of grief are well documented, and therefore can be used to help one in mourning.  Those stages can also apply to rape victims:

• Denial - "It wasn't rape, I wanted it, it didn't happen."
• Anger - "All men (or all people) are terrible", or perhaps the anger is directed inward, "you deserved this."
• Bargaining - This one doesn't quite fit, but perhaps the equivalent is the common response of becoming more promiscuous (As a way to recapture the total loss of control that was experience.  Wanting to go from no sexual control to the extreme opposite end).  (Edit:  Thanks to my friend Rae, for telling me of this coping method) Promiscuity can also be used as a way to devalue the event.  "If sex becomes an everyday thing, then that one bad night will blur into a series of mediocre one-night-stands, and I can move on and forget it, right?"
• Depression - "I am now worthless, despoiled, tainted."
• Acceptance - "it happened and it was awful but it is over".  Except that it can never really be over.  The scars - emotional and physical - will always be there.

But those around the survivors have to endure, too.  Did you watch that video from before?  Frank's anger is not uncommon.  The need for action can be very dominating.  As Will Smith once rapped, "Hate in your heart will consume you, too."  But it is difficult to just let it go.  Someone's integrity was violated.

And here we actually contribute to the very thing that we're trying to fight against.  We begin to confuse chivalry with fighting rape culture as a whole.  We begin to act as knights defending the defenseless instead of modern men who see women as equals.  We are fighting rape on its own terms, and in doing so we have defeated the very purpose we were trying to serve.  How?

The very idea that a woman's integrity is tied up in her virginity or sexual behavior is sexist, and lends itself quickly towards misogyny.  Men are not held to this standard.  A man can have sex with many woman and still be respected (In fact, he may be more respected)  Conversely, for men, virginity is usually a source of shame, as previous shown through the words of Elliot Rodgers.  For women virginity is, culturally, a source of pride.  They are pure.  For men to take a woman's virginity is a source of pride.  They have taken the purest thing.  For women, culturally, promiscuity is a negative.  When men have sex with many women, they are conquering many fields.  When women have sex with many men, they are letting themselves be pillaged.  There are lots of "old world" views that are evident in that language that we don't need to go into.  Rather than even buy into the idea that a woman's integrity can be harmed by sexual violence, why not transcend it?

"Living well is the best revenge" said someone who has never enjoyed a good action flick (George Herbert, who evidently is known for a number of sayings)  But our lives are not action flicks.  Action flicks end when peace is restored and life can return to normal.  Ideally, much of our life is lived in the "normal" times. Vengeance will not undo the crime.  Of course, I'm not saying legal action should not be taken when possible.  Sexual criminals should be tried and convicted whenever possible.  But that, too, is not an action flick.  Batman only exists in places where the courts cannot be trusted.  He is removed only when their credibility has returned.  Batman is a stopgap.  Hot-blooded revenge is a stopgap.

The quote I first pulled from our text repeats a line twice.  This is significant.  "That was not what he had set out to do."  Sam had not gone on the Quest to avenge Frodo's death, should he die.  Sam had not gone on the Quest to throw himself off a cliff in despair.  That was not what he had set out to do.  He had set out to destroy the Ring.

Sam takes the Ring for himself, and sets off out of Shelob's lair.  But as he begins his journey, he hears Orc voices, and sees Orcs going to where Frodo lays.  Sam puts the Ring on and follows them.  The text says, "He knew now where his place was and had been: at his master's side, though what he could do there was not clear."  In fact, Sam had never set out to destroy the Ring, but to accompany Frodo.  While it may not be the best thing for Middle Earth, the thing "he had set out to do" was to be at his master's side.  Living or dead.

Let's say you're in a romantic relationship with someone.  And you learn they are a survivor of sexual assault.  And you learn that this person is a family member.  And you learn that this person is someone who, up till now, you knew and liked.  What can you do?

Vengeance does nothing.  Vengeance only adds to the violence which you oppose.  Heroes hurt bad guys.  The cycle continues.  Despair?  No - that is self-destructive.  That is also no good.  So what can you do?

The answer is... kind of nothing.  But a very special kind of nothing.  (Obviously what I am going to say is not meant as general advice - there is no one size fits all answer to this.)  You must step back and ask yourself, "What did I set out to do?"  When you entered this relationship, did you intend on taking all the insults and injuries of your significant other upon yourself?  Did you begin dating them so you could fix the injustices in their life?  While that may be romantic, it isn't very practical.  I'd be very upset if my girlfriend learned that someone had wronged me in college and decided to hunt them down.  That isn't what I wanted. And that isn't why I shared that story.

Frodo is not dead.  Nor are our sisters (and brothers) who are victims of sexual violence.  Their integrity is not reduced.  Their value as a person is not reduced.  Their ability to provide - and their need for - "sex, love, adoration, affection" is not reduced.  They are still people who are alive.  "[Sam] knew now where his place was and had been: at his master's side, though what he could do there was not clear."  What can you do?  Very little.  You can't do anything to fix it.  You can't do anything to undo it.  You can't do anything to erase it.  But you can be there.  You can listen.  You can love.  You can accept the person as they are, and not insist on going on a crusade to right that wrong, for in doing so, you imply that they have become imperfect, until someone can save them from their past.  And you just can't do that.

Sam learns, as he returns to Frodo's side, that he is in fact still alive.  He was not dead - merely comatose by Shelob's poison.  Frodo lives!

The chapter ends in this way, "Frodo was alive, but taken by the enemy."  Such as it is with us.  Survivors of sexual attacks are still alive.  But they can only be 'taken' by the enemy if we keep the enemy forefront.  But in fact, our loved ones are alive, and have much more to give the world.  Rather than become fixated on their past, we should (after ensuring they have processed the event as healthily as possible, of course) help them build a new future.

The conversation continues here...

Magic in Middle Earth

This week’s chapter is called "Shelob’s Lair".  In this chapter, Sam and Frodo come to a tunnel.  As they approach it, the stench begins to overwhelm them.  However, they push on, and enter the cavern.  It becomes immediately clear that this cave is not simply a passage that Sauron has neglected to guard.  It has evils of its own.

Before we look into that, though, we should ask a larger question.  Middle Earth is often referred to as a magical place, but what kind of magic is it?  What counts as magic?  Are the Dwarves and Elves, by existing, proof of magic?  At the Mirror of Galadriel, Sam asked if they are going to see Elf-magic.  Galadriel responds, “This is what your folk call magic, I believe; though I do not understand clearly what they mean; and they seem also to use the same word for the deceits of the enemy.  But this, if you will, is the magic of Galadriel.” What is magic to the Hobbits is evidently not magic to the Elves.

Gandalf does not ever refer to himself as magical, either.  When he and the others approach Saruman, he advises them to be wary of his voice, but doesn’t actually call it 'magic'.  When Saruman tries to leave the discussion, Gandalf demands he returns – and he does.  He also breaks Saruman’s staff by verbal command.  This certainly seems magical, but would Gandalf, like Galadriel, also hesitate to use the word 'magic'? Is it simply "what your folk call magic"?

But it isn't just people.  The Caradhras prevented the Fellowship from crossing.  The Ring has a will of it’s own, and has given Gollum (and Bilbo) unnaturally long life.  The trees (and not just the ones in Fangorn) have emotions, and can lean to purposefully block the sun when they wish.  There was a moment in the previous chapter when Frodo laughed, and “Such a sound had been been heard in those places since Sauron came to Middle Earth.  To Sam suddenly it seemed as if all the stones were listening and the tall rocks leaning over them."

And still, there are many things the Creative Wizard hints at, but does not fully reveal.  Middle Earth is fantastical, and whether we call it magic is perhaps irrelevant.  There are powerful forces, all of them dangerous.

And so we return to Shelob’s Lair:

Here the air was still, stagnant, heavy, and sound fell dead.  They walked, as

it were, in a black vapor wrought of veritable darkness itself that,

as it was breathed, brought blindness not only to the eyes but to the mind, so that even

the memory of colors and of forms and of any light

faded out of thought.  Night had been, and always would be, and night was all.

But for a while they could still feel, and indeed the senses of their feet and fingers

at first seemed sharpened almost painfully… But after a time their senses

became duller, both touch and hearing seemed to grow numb... The breathlessness of the air was

growing as they climbed, and now they seemed often in the blind dark to sense some

resistance thicker than the foul air… And still the stench grew.  It grew, until almost it seemed to them

that smell was the only clear sense left to them, and that was for their torment…

Is this magic?  This is not just a dark cave - it is suffocating.  Sound is muffled, the air numbs the mind, all senses except smell are repressed.  Whether it is truly magic or not, it is surely not of this world.

They hear something approach from behind.  They begin to panic, when Sam has a vision of Galadriel giving her gifts to the Fellowship.  He reminds Frodo of the star glass.  Frodo says, partially quoting Galadriel "A light when all other lights go out!  And now indeed light alone can help us."

He draws the phial out and holds it up.  A brilliant light shows from it.  They see a monster with what the text says has thousands of eyes.  “No brightness so deadly had ever afflicted [those eyes] before.  From sun and moon and star they had been safe underground, but now a star had descended into the very Earth.”  Whoever said a star had been brought into the cave?

The monster flees the light, and they move forth with the Phial's light piercing the darkness.  They come upon a giant web, and Sam exclaims that the monster must be a spider.  Frodo uses Sting to cut the web (Sam's sword is no use against it).  They see the exit into Mordor.  "It seemed light in that dark land to his eyes that had passed through the den of night... Yet it seemed to Frodo that he looked upon a morning of sudden hope."  (I should mention that the first sentence of the chapter is, "It may indeed have been daytime now, as Gollum said, but the hobbits could see little difference, unless, perhaps, the heavy sky was less utterly black."  Mordor is not a land reached by the sun.  There is no morning of sudden hope, nor anything else good.)

There is much "what your folk call magic" here.  Sam's vision of Galadriel; that Shelob's web is only affected by Sting (An Elven blade - which Sam's is not); that he Phial of Galadriel would literally bring the light of a star to Earth.  And what of the suffocating nature of the cave?  So strong was it that, when Frodo found the exit, even the gloom of Mordor seemed bright and welcoming.

And there's Shelob, herself!  “There agelong she had dwelt, an evil thing in spider form."  She is not an evil spider.  Evil is not the adjective, it is the noun!  Shelob is evil, and happens to appear as a spider.  We get a brief history of Shelob, how she terrorized the old Elf kingdoms, and how she has inhabited Cirith Ungol even before Sauron made his throne in Mordor.  All spiders - "lesser broods" - are her descendants.  This is not just a servant of Sauron, nor a wild monster like the Watcher in the Water.  Even the Balrog that Gandalf battled is less historied.  Shelob is an evil, ancient and beastial.

The magic in Middle Earth is mysterious.  Our text does not seek to explain it, generally because those who use it don't really consider it magic.  I am reminded of a quote by Arthur C. Clarke, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."  Certainly someone unfamiliar with our technology might think our phones are magic.  Even the idea of a light switch could be mind-blowing.  The only reason it doesn't surprise us is because we're used to it.

We call what happens in Middle Earth magic because it is unusual to us.  But to them it is not.  Galadriel knows how the mirror works, as we know how a light switch works.  But when Saruman uses what is essentially gunpowder at the battle of Helm's Deep, Aragorn calls it "Devilry of Saruman."  But, to us, gunpowder isn't any kind of Devilry. 

Middle Earth seems very magical, but perhaps it is better to say it just works differently.  From our vantage point, it is magic.  But from those who understand, it is a skill like any other.  Sometimes we see someone do something with such skill we wonder how they got so good, and our minds attribute it to magic because that is easier.  But then there are times when we practice, we hone our style, we examine our work and tweak it and try it again, and examine our work and tweak it again and try it again again.  And then after days, weeks, months of preparation, we show our skill to someone, and all they can say "Wow, that's really good!  You have a gift." The only gift we had was the desire and dedication to the work necessary to get better.

And yet, I wonder if those we said were gifted felt similarly dismissed.  No doubt they also worked hard to achieve their skill.  As maybe Galadriel did, as maybe Gandalf did.  Maybe Shelob worked to create that suffocating darkness.  And so "what your folk call magic" is just a comment of ignorance.  If they understood, they wouldn't call it that.

We should, when we see someone do something amazing, try to imagine the work they had to put in to achieve that success.  In this way we can make what is sometimes seen as "a gift" to some people instead accessible to everyone.  Provided you're willing to work at it.

Balancing productivity and happiness

"Don't the great tales never end?"
"No, they never end," said Frodo, "But the people in them come, and go when their part's ended."

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I have goals in my life.  I've got to-do lists and habits I want to develop (or get rid of).  I have people I am close with, and people I stay away from.  There are conflicts and moments of victory (or defeat).  My life is a story - my story.  It began when I was born and will end when I die.  That will be that.  "The ups and downs of Alex Maslow."  Something like that.  And so I go.

But the world will go on!  I'm not the only person who exists, and far from the most important.  But even the most important people die, and the world turns on.  When Martin Luther King Jr, one of the most important individuals of the civil rights movement, died the struggle had to go on.  As we repeat so often, he did not live to see the fulfillment of his dream.  As important as we might be, the world is larger than ourselves.  It will go on.

This week is another double portion, "Journey to the Crossroads" & "The Stairs of Cirith Ungol". Faramir releases Frodo and Sam and Gollum back into the wilderness, and their journey continues.  They eventually reach Gollum guides them to a hidden stair carved into a cliff.  At the top they see a tower, Cirith Ungol.  Sam rebukes Gollum, because Gollum said his "other way" would be unwatched.  Gollum tells him it is the least watched way into Mordor.  The Hobbits sit down to rest after their climb.  As they eat some of their supplies, Sam and Frodo have a strangely self-aware conversation.  Not self-aware about themselves as characters, as we have seen they are indeed quite self-aware.  Instead, they ponder that they might one day become characters in stories.

Their conversation is quite long, so I will only summarize.  Sam remarks at their fate, and that if they had known the Quest would have been this unpleasant they might have passed it off.  Frodo tells him folks in great tales never know how their story will end, and that, as a reader, you wouldn't want them to.  Sam wonders what kind of story they're in, and how it will end.  He says:

"I used to think that they were things the wonderful folk

 of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them,

because they were exciting and life was a bit dull...

but that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered.  Folk seem to have been

just landed in them...  Why, even Gollum might be good in a tale,

better than he is to have by you, anyway."

It's a unique moment of self-awareness because, of course, Sam and Frodo are in a story, and in a very well known one.  Up to now, Sam has been focused on protecting his life and Frodo's.  The Ring is a Quest.  That's all.  Once it's destroyed, they can return to their old lives in the Shire.  Even Frodo, grim and determined though he is, is self-centered.  It is his task, and people are depending on him, and he must get it done.  But that's a very narrow view.  He isn't destroying the Ring so he can be rid of it.  He's destroying the Ring so the whole world is rid of it.  If he dies in the trying, but it still gets done, he would not be seen as a failure.  Indeed, he has already contributed greatly to the effort!

The quote at the top comes a little later, when Sam realizes the Phial of Galadriel must be connected with the Silmarils, which are ancient artifacts.  "Don't the great tales never end?".  Frodo responds: "No, they never end.  But the people in them come, and go when their part's ended."

Working with children, it is very easy for me to see in my everyday life how the world is bigger than my own story, and that to some I am a big part and to others I am a passing face.  My story is very important to me.  But not really anyone else.  Similarly, their stories are of varying interest to me.  I know some of my co-workers have families of their own.  I know some of them go out in the evenings and hang out with their friends.  I know it, but I don't really care.  As long as it isn't illegal or self-destructive, it doesn't affect me.  The only thing about my coworkers that matters to me, above all else, is how good they are at their jobs.  And similarly, that's all that should matter to them about me.

Conversely, as for my friends, I just want them to be happy.  I don't really care what it is they do with their time, so long as it makes them happy (and preferably isn't illegal or self-destructive).  We make allowances for our friends we wouldn't make for co-workers, because the goal is happiness, not productivity.

However, as important as it is to ensure people are happy (happy people are also more productive), happiness is far more fleeting than productivity.  Here's a question I just realized I've never asked:  Was Martin Luther King Jr happy?  What about Ghandi?  Or Eleanor Roosevelt?  Or Winston Churchill?  I've never asked it because, well, it's not really relevant to their legacy.  I suppose I hope they were happy, but it doesn't really matter.  Is Barack Obama happy as president?  I really don't care - I'd much rather he be productive as president.  But I also don't want him to be miserable.

It's a lot to balance.  We want to be happy, but will anyone remember us if we are only happy?  We want to be productive, but not if it drives us to misery.  But our happiness affects a very small circle of people - our productivity can affect so much more.  Even if we seem like a very small part of things, add it all up and the human race becomes a great tapestry.

So, do the great tales never end?  No!  Humanity was here before we arrived, and it will end after we go.  And on the one hand we deserve joy and happiness and fulfillment, and on the other we owe those who came before us (who have provided so much) that we continue to produce and provide for those who come after us.

So what's the takeaway?  I think it is to keep these two sayings in your head.  "The world has been created, and you may enjoy its bounty," & "The world is not yet finished, and your work is required."  I don't know which reminder you need right now, and it is likely, in a few weeks, you'll need the other reminder.  I can't give your life balance, but I can give you the tools to help you find it.

It is fitting that this post comes out on Mother's Day.  There isn't much that (usually and hopefully) fits the ticket of being both a source of great stress and a source of great joy than motherhood.  Something where the contribution to the human race is so obvious (another member!).  Every great person has a mother we can also thank - not just for making a baby, but for raising and caring for and loving it (of course, this is ideally - there are those without, and there are those who did great things in spite of that lacking).

Happy Mother's Day, everyone.  To the mothers of the world, thank you for all your hard work and care - the world owes you a great debt.

A worker, not a slave

This week's chapter is called "The Forbidden Pool." In it, Frodo is woken in the middle of the night by Faramir.  Faramir brings him to a ledge, at the bottom of which is the titular pool.  He points out a creature in the pool, and tells Frodo the trespasser cannot be allowed to live.  Frodo recognizes the creature as Gollum and begs Faramir to let him go down and talk to Gollum.  Faramir allows this, and Frodo descends down a winding path.

As he does, he hears Gollum talking to himself.  "Frodo shivered, listening with pity and disgust.  He wished it would stop, and that he never need hear that voice again.  Anborn [one of Faramir's men] was not far behind.  He could creep back and ask him to get the huntsmen to shoot.  They would probably get close enough, while Gollum was gorging and off his guard.  Only one true shot, and Frodo would be rid of the miserable voice forever.  But no, Gollum had a claim on him now.  The servant has a claim on the master for service."  Frodo feels he owes something to Gollum.

What does a master owe a servant?  It's pretty obvious that the servant owes the master something.  He is the servant.  This is easily applied to our own time if one were to change "servant" to employee and "master" to employer.  If you are an employee, you have a job to do.  You are being paid to do that job.  Therefore, you owe your employer a job well done.

"Hell, you're lucky to even have a job.  Do you know how many people would be happy to take your job - and at half your wages?  You better pull your weight around here and show some gratitude once in a while.  Do you know how difficult it is to supervise you and your colleagues?  You only have your own little task to mind - I need to ensure EVERY task around here gets done, preferably under budget!  We have shareholders to report to!!"

It's obvious that the above is caricature.  Employers should not act this way.  Employers are not exempt from responsibility.  They owe many things to their employees, morally if not legally.  8 hour work days, weekends (or at least regular, unpaid, days off), paid time off, health benefits, a clean work environment, a work environment devoid of hate and discrimination, etc.

I have held many supervisory roles throughout my career, and one thing I think I owe my staff is fair treatment.  I may have favorites, and I may have friends that are on my staff, or I may have people on my staff I actively dislike.  But if there is some sort of conflict, I try to forget all those things and evaluate the situation on its face.  I have favorites, but I don't PLAY favorites.  If I want my staff to give me their best work, regardless of personal feelings, then I owe them fair arbitration, regardless of personal feelings.

This also comes into effect in my work with kids.  Friday I was teaching some students how to swing a bat.  I had explained to them how, before doing anything else, one must look around to make sure no one is around who might get hit.  After explaining this, another student joined us.  I handed him the bat, showed him how to swing, and then started to walk away so he could try.  However, he swung as soon as I was behind him, and he hit my elbow.

And while it hurt, I wasn't angry at him.  As soon as it happened I realized I had not set him up for success.  This isn't to say getting hit with the bat was my own fault.  It was, in fact, his fault.  He should have looked around.  However, no one had told him this.  So it's kind of unreasonable to expect him to just *know* that.  I was hurt, he took responsibility and apologized, and that was that.

Yes, if you are employed you owe your employer a job well done.  But there are some people who take this to an extreme, who let themselves get exploited.  I don't mean slaves or the working poor or people with limited choices who are actually being exploited.  I mean my educated peers who have jobs and don't like them but don't make an effort to change because "I'm lucky to have a job.  I could be a kidnapped Nigerian girl who just wanted an education and won't you please sign this petition because this is horrifying and please let's use our voices to help these silenced girls be heard."  Sorry - I got a little carried away there.

But as we owe our employers a job well done, we can also have certain expectations.  We can expect our employers to not overwork us (And have the right to protest if they do).  We can expect our employers to respect the fact we need time off to deal with personal issues (And have the right to protest if they do not).  The good news is, and perhaps what I will say here is colored by my lucky personal history, most employers will do that, if you tell them ahead of time and help them cover their needs while you're away.  You owe your employer a job well done - but not your soul and your happiness.

Frodo, in this chapter, again shows maturity and responsibility.  Even though he despises Gollum, and even though he has the means to get him killed, he knows Gollum swore an oath, and that Frodo has a part in honoring that oath.  Gollum swore to help Frodo, but he did not swear to put his life in Frodo's hands.

When we are servants, we would be fortunate to have masters as mindful as Frodo.  When we are masters, we should strive to see our servants as more than just tools, but as people who deserve our respect.

But seriously.  This Nigerian event is a tragedy, and you should sign the petition.