------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've tried to keep my topics varied. However, the urgency of the situation, and the opportunity to discuss a usually taboo issue, cannot be ignored. We must continue last week's conversation. Also, again, the language I use is very hetero-normative. Sorry, it's just the best way to focus the discussion...
This week we begin The Return of the King, the final book in our text. Leaving Sam and Frodo, we return to where we left the other remnants of the Fellowship. Gandalf, with Pippin in tow, rides to Minas Tirith, the capital city of Gondor, home of Boromir and Faramir, and the front line in the war against Mordor. Once there, we learn a great deal about Minas Tirith, it's ruler Denethor (father of Boromir and Faramir), and those that will defend the city. The chapter, appropriately enough, is titled "Minas Tirith."
When they arrive, Gandalf brings Pippin with him to see Denethor. He tells him Denethor will want to know what happened to Boromir and. since Pippin was there when he died, he will have to give an account. Gandalf gives Pippin many instructions on how to conduct himself, one of which is to not mention Aragorn. Pippin wonders why, and Gandalf says, "It is scarcely wise when bringing the news of the death of his heir to a mighty lord to speak over much of the coming of one who will, if he comes, claim the kingship... If you have walked all these days with closed ears and mind asleep, wake up now!"
And so we return to rape culture, and what we can do to fight it. Over the past week, this issue has gotten a lot of attention. And a lot of push back. And the push back has gotten some push back. And it boils down, largely, to two hashtags (believe it or not!). #YesAllWomen and #NotAllMen. Let's expand those ideas.
#NotAllMen expresses the idea that, ahem, not all men are rapists. As a result, any conversation about rape culture is void, because the very idea of a rape culture erroneously blames all men. And, well, not all men are rapists. The idea is that any discussion of rape culture draws a line connecting the many, many sexual assaults nationwide, but really these are really isolated incidents.
Contrasting this argument is #YesAllWomen, which says that while 20-25% of women are raped (or victims of attempted rape), all women feel the oppression of rape culture. All women (Yes, all women) are leered at. All women (Yes, all women) must deflect unwanted advances, often multiple times from the same person. All women (Yes, all women) get hollered at. It is myopic and ignorant, then, to call these "isolated incidents."
I understand the tension. It feels unfair for men to be lumped together, especially with the worst ones. Yet, it must feel hollow to the women for us to say "Yeah, well, that ain't me." I am sure that those who are survivors were told the same thing by their attackers. 62-84% of women knew their attackers. The stereotype of being attacked in a back alley by a stranger, or drugged in a dance club, is quite rare. The attackers were people they thought they could trust. But they couldn't. And even if it is only 20-25% of the women, all women are aware of these stories and have to take precautions. Better to be overcautious than become a survivor. So this affects all women (Yes, all women).
But what about the men? Not all men are like this. Some might say, "It isn't fair to let a couple of bad apples ruin the harvest. I've had some bad girlfriends before and you don't see me hiding in a shell. You need to trust the world a little, or else you'll be unhappy forever. Not all men are like this." And that's true.
And that's also irrelevant. #NotAllMen takes the situation and flips it on its head. Instead of "Yes, all women are affected by rape culture," it becomes "All men pay the consequences for the actions of a few, and that isn't fair." And while it isn't fair, the situation isn't as simple as that.
On the one hand, women live in almost constant fear of being attacked. Here'a quote from a fantastic article about this, written by a man. "I don't know about you [other men,] but I don't spend much of my life feeling vulnerable. I've come to learn that women spend most of their social lives with ever-present, unavoidable feelings of vulnerability. Stop and think about that." Fairly or not, living with that kind of vulnerability makes one over-cautious. It may penalize the men, but from the woman's point of view, better to penalize 1000 men by being too stingy than open oneself up to a dangerous situation. How can we blame them?
On the other hand, men run the risk of being turned down. And....... that's it. And, as men, being rejected is part of dating and meeting the right person. I've been rejected by dozens if not hundreds of women. It is not, it is not, it is not comparable to being raped. The differences are put most succinctly in this infograph.
There are other articles and infographs about this that I've been consuming throughout this week. And certainly there are even more I haven't seen. So far as I can determine, rape culture is a thing, and it affects #YesAllWomen. Are all men part of it? Yes, whether they intend to be or not. It's a lot like white privilege. You can benefit from it even if you don't intend to. Once something becomes an institutional problem, it isn't enough to just ignore it. You have to fight it, because even your apathy is harmful. As one of those articles says, "I [a male] had the privilege of ignoring the problem." If you can ignore a problem without adverse affects, you are privileged by the current system. Doing nothing, then, is impossible, for by even existing you benefit at the expense of others. You must take action against it.
OK, I've banged that drum enough for one post. The point is this: There are countless examples of rape culture, but you have to be willing to see them not as isolated incidents. I only started this recently, and once I allowed myself to notice it, I have been seeing it everywhere. Now that I see it, I can fight against it in ways that I know help my peers and my students, both male and female. But in order to help, you must realize what is happening. That is to say: "If you have walked all these days with closed ears and mind asleep, wake up now!"
Gandalf and Pippin enter Denethor's hall. They learn that Denethor already knows of Boromir's death, and demands to know what they know. Pippin tells him and then, suddenly overwhelmed by the sacrifice Boromir made, pledges his service to Denethor. "Little service, no doubt, will so great a lord of Men think to find in a hobbit, a halfling from the northern Shire; yet such as it is, I will offer it, in payment of my debt."
When battling cultural problems, it is easy to despair. It is easy to wonder what we can do against The System, against The Way It Is. Especially when it feels like we already do our part, like so many men do (This is where, I think, #NotAllMen stems from - "But we already don't rape - what more do you want from us!"). As I mentioned before, when it comes to institutional problems, apathy isn't effective, and usually only enables the problem. It doesn't matter that you don't rape if you let others do it. It doesn't matter that you don't rape if you let others do it, and then point out that you don't rape as if you should get brownie points. #NotAllMen rape, but #NotAllMen stand up to it, either. Certainly not enough.
When my male high school students tell me they are frustrated because they are single and yet "I'm a nice guy!" I ask what that means. Their answers vary, but usually are some form of "Not racist, not cruel, not selfish," etc. A lot of "not"s. And while it's great to be not those things, it's sort of the bare minimum expected of people. Especially if you want a relationship, you need to bring more to the table than just "not a bad person." It's the same thing here. Not raping is the minimum requirement. Ideally, rather than standing outside rape culture, you should stand up to it.
So Pippin enters Denethor's service, and a soldier named Beregond is assigned to welcome him. As Beregond tells him the history of the city and the conflict, he tells him this: "This is no longer a bickering at the fords, raiding from Ithilien and from Anrien, ambushing and pillaging. This is a great war long-planned, and we are but one piece in it..."
For a long time, the forces of Gondor held back Mordor. A skirmish here, an ambush there, etc. However, it has recently become clear that those attacks were not Mordor's full strength. The battles were not meant to be won, but were part of a strategic plan. They were not isolated incidents.
Such as it is with us. To call all the instances of cat calling, leering, objectifying, assault, etc that so many women experience isolated incidents, to not acknowledge that this is a huge cultural problem, is foolish. This is more than just several million women having individual experiences. There is a connection. There is a pattern. This goes beyond Elliot Rodgers, or any one individual attacker. This is a a huge problem in our society, and it affect all of us. #YesAllOfUs.
During their earlier discussion, Denethor tells Gandalf that there is no higher concern in his mind than keeping Gondor defended. Gandalf replies, "In that task you shall have all the help that you are pleased to ask for. But I will say this, the rule of no realm is mine, neither of Gondor nor any other, great or small. But all worthy things that are in peril as the world now stands, those are my care."
This isn't just about empowering the women in our lives. This isn't about protecting those that are close to us. When you do that, you're still viewing the problem as isolated incidents. Certainly you should do what you can to make the women in your life feel safe (There's a friend of mine whom I walk to her car in the evening, for example), but that's ultimately a defensive move. You can only defend one area at a time. One raid, one ambush. Better, instead, to make an effort to find what it is that make them feel vulnerable and address that. Cat calling. Men not taking no for an answer. Lewd remarks. These are the things we need to stop.
One of the weirdest moments of my life, a male friend of mine randomly texted me a cat call - something like "Hot damn! You look good in those jeans." He had texted it just to be funny, but I felt an intense feeling of vulnerability that I'll never forget. I can't imagine what it's like to experience that feeling all the time.
Talk to the men in your life. Talk to the boys in your life. This isn't just about respecting women. It's that about respecting people. Would you tell a guy how his ass looks in those shorts? Or how his shirt shows off his chest? Then don't do it to girls. It isn't "just giving a compliment!" It's feeding the idea that their main value is in their looks. And women are more than that.
This isn't about being nice and thoughtful, and one day a woman will recognize you as the great guy you are. You don't earn a woman, and no woman is obligated to give you anything. You shouldn't be nice and thoughtful so that a woman will like you. You don't respect women because that's how you get a woman. You respect women because they are people.
If you see someone acting misogynistically, don't walk away. Don't assume someone else will stop them. Don't assume it is OK. Step in. Do something. #2, to show the woman she is not alone, but #1 to show the man that kind of behavior is intolerable. Defending women does not change the culture in the way we want it to. Instead, we need to convince those men who do it that it is not OK. Yes, there will be some who cannot be convinced. But most men, I have found, don't realize the impact of their actions. They don't realize the atmosphere they are contributing to. Once they do, they are eager to make amends and act more appropriately. This is a doable thing.
But what's the title of this post got to do with anything? Tower of Guard and Tower of the Sun? What's that about?
Tower of Guard is what Minas Tirith translates into. But that was not the original name of the city. It used to be called Minas Anor, or Tower of the Sun. But when Osgiliath fell, a city even closer to Mordor, Minas Anor became the next line of defense against Mordor. They changed the name to Minas Tirith (Tower of Guard) reflects that change.
Our culture is now in "Tower of Guard" mode. There's an onslaught of misogyny out there. We have to be ready to turn our conversation towards it. We have to keep talking about it. The situation hurts us whether we notice it or not. "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." The problem isn't if we are winning or losing the battle, but that there is a battle at all. But as long as there is, we need a Tower of Guard.
But hopefully, one day, this fight will be over, and we'll be able to call our world "Tower of the Sun," and bask in the glory of equality and freedom.
No comments:
Post a Comment