Safe at last.
Frodo and company have passed into Rivendell, escaping the pursuing Black Riders. Rivendell, popularly conceived of as a safe house, is much more correctly viewed as a fortress. Through a blend of Elf magic and geography, Rivendell is easily defended from outside invaders. It provides Frodo with an unprecedented level of safety since he set out. Finally, he can rest his weary feet.
And yet, Frodo is not idle. The title of this week's chapter is "Many Meetings," and indeed this chapter is full of them. Frodo is reunited with Gandalf, and he meets Elrond and Arwen as well. He takes a meal (A feast, really, thrown in honor of his recovery from the wound he took at Weathertop) next to Gloin, one of Bilbo's companions on his own journey, and they speak at length about their histories. Later, Bilbo himself shows up and he and Frodo have a joyous reunion.
Bilbo tells him he knows of Frodo's journey, though he's not precisely sure what the big deal is: "Fancy that Ring of mine causing such a disturbance!". Bilbo asks Frodo if he could see the ring again, and Frodo (reluctantly) obliges him. When he sees it, Bilbo reaches for it and Frodo withdraws it and "He found he was no longer looking at Bilbo; a shadow seemed to have fallen between them, and through it he found himself eyeing a little wrinkled creatures... He felt a desire to strike him. The music and singing round them seemed to falter and a silence fell."
Perhaps to our surprise (Given how immature Bilbo can be), it is Bilbo who breaks the shadow. "Bilbo looked quickly at Frodo's face and passed his hand across his eyes. 'I understand now,' he said. 'Put it away! I am sorry, sorry you have [inherited] this burden: sorry about everything."
The text continues, "Frodo hid the Ring away, and the shadow passed leaving hardly a shred of memory. The light and music of Rivendell was about him again."
Frodo is in one of the safest places in Middle Earth, and he and his beloved uncle are reunited after years being apart, and yet a distance arises between them. The Ring causes Frodo to see his beloved uncle as an ugly being whom he wants to harm. The potential chance of losing the Ring causes Frodo to miss out on the wonders around him.
When is a time we have allowed a shadow to fall between us and those we love, such that we want to strike them? Such that we begin to miss out on the beauty around us?
When Lindsey and I were breaking up, my desire to keep our relationship in tact caused me to see her as an enemy. Of course, that's absurd. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship and I do, then we're almost by default not in a relationship. But my hurt caused me to see what she was doing as "against" me. "She is behaving this way because she is mad at me." In fact, she was breaking up with me because she wanted something I wasn't able to give her. She needed something I couldn't provide. It was unfair of me to ask her to stay with me. Instead of seeing the possibility that, if we split up, we could both find the kind of fulfillment we wanted, I became focused on saving our relationship, not realizing that it was that very thing which was making us unhappy.
We both wanted to enjoy our life. If our relationship isn't contributing to our happiness, why preserve it? Well, for so long our relationship had made me happy. Therefore, losing my relationship with her would mean losing my happiness. Rationally, we can see there are many sources of happiness. However, my viewpoint was rooted such that keeping my relationship with her felt like the only way to be happy.
However, focusing on a single object (tangible or not) can give one tunnel vision, obscuring the big picture. Frodo and Bilbo, however temporarily, both desire the Ring for themselves, forgetting that the ultimate goal is its destruction. The Ring is a means to an end. The burden of carrying it is peripheral to the Quest. And yet, as long as it exists, this kind of internal conflict is possible. The Ring must be destroyed not only to vanquish the Enemy, but also to alleviate tensions within. Such with Lindsey, ending things would not only vanquish the relationship that was keeping us unhappy, but also open the possibility that the bitter feelings between us might melt away, too.
But our last conversations were so cruel and angry. I was mad at her for deciding to break up with me, and I think she was resentful that I wasn't as accommodating as she wanted. Our final conversation, truly, was me blocking her Facebook and phone number. But that wasn't me destroying the Ring - that was me finding a safe haven. I finally could move on with my life without her randomly texting me. But my fury was still there. When she came up in conversation, it still hurt. Of course, time pressed on, and I moved on more and more. Talking about it has become a non-issue. But I've always wondered: what would happen if I saw her again?
I recently stumbled upon some pictures of Lindsey online. We still have some mutual friends, and one of them posted some pictures of her. After the initial shock of seeing her, I let it sink in. She was with some friends and having fun. My life has moved on - why not hers? Would I feel so much better if I saw she was miserable?
Somehow, between then and now, my fury had disappeared. In a decidedly undramatic way (because I can't pinpoint the day this happened), my anger had left me. I had gone to Mount Doom, taken the Ring off my neck - the anger which had burdened me for so long - and thrown it into the fires. And I could, again, see the music and the light of the world around me. And while I'd been moving forward for quite a while, seeing those pictures made me feel like I had some kind of closure. I had come (digitally) face to face with her, and was able to acknowledge her existence, privately wish her well, and move on to seek my own happiness.
Why are the Free Peoples working to destroy the Ring? It is not just to defeat Sauron. Rather, they hope to have a world without it. There is more to existence than fighting Sauron. Once he is destroyed, Middle Earth can grow and evolve in ways that are impossible now. To get to that point, the Ring must be destroyed. In our lives we all have old burdens that must be cast off before we can build anew. If we don't, we cannot grow.
We all know people who define themselves only by their past accomplishments (or miseries). All their life revolves around moments that have already happened. They do not build new memories. Instead, they spend all their time glorifying (or hiding) their past. One can only go so far in building a life like this. Rather than expanding their life, they merely raise it up (or bury it). Everything comes from one foundation. Growth is severely limited.
(I do not, in this moment, mean to target victims of traumatic events. In fact, part of PTSD is an inability to move forward because of the trauma of the past. Certainly, situations like that are to be treated with extreme delicacy. And yet, we must acknowledge the importance of helping one who suffers from PTSD because, until their condition is managed, they cannot effectively build new lives. The PTSD anchors them in the past. Without belittling the difficulty of the task, we must help them haul their anchor up.)
In Rivendell, Frodo is safe at last. But safety is not the ultimate goal. The true goal is to destroy the threat. Safety from a threat is good. Freedom from it altogether is better. Don't work to avoid shadows from falling between you and your friends, veiling the light and music of the world. Find the sources of those shadows and conquer them.
Become free at last.
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